EILEEN ADLER

What do I have in common with their conversation?

As I was walking a few weeks ago, I listened to one of my favorite podcasts: On Being with Krista Tippett, and her guest that morning was Imani Perry who addressed the concerns she had raising two black sons. I parented two sons but they are not black so I wondered what I would glean from the conversation. I’ve continued to think about the message and how it relates to me and even further, how Ms. Perry wove the guidance and care for the two most important people in her life as she mentored them as both a parent and care partner. My guidance has shifted from parenting to partnering as I continue my journey as a care partner. 

I connected with Ms. Perry’s ponderings about how our experiences might be channeled into something productive. She cited the question raised in W.E.B. Du Bois’ (1868–1963), The Souls of Black Folk, published in 1903., Chapter 1, “Of Our Spiritual Strivings.”’How does it feel to be a problem?’ Mr. Du Bois continues, “And yet, being a problem is a strange experience,” and he asks, “Why did God make me an outcast and a stranger in mine own house?” His point of reference is that of a black man but, as I was walking, I related to this in my role as a care partner. Am I a problem, and if so, how? Am I compassionate enough? Am I kind enough? Am I a stumbling block for my care receiver? What changes must I make? What changes should I consider? Have I become Miss NO? Absorbing the words written by James Baldwin, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” For each care partner, the work marches on, day in and day out, so the questions arise, how can we be hopeful and helpful? What might we change?

Ms. Perry explains that she is “constantly trying to think about how we more fully recognize each other as human, in order to be more humane?” Sometimes it feels like “stalking through a labyrinth, breathless yet deliberate,” but the old way of doing things no longer works. Change is in the air. Maybe our care receiver cannot articulate this thought, but it may be there: when you are frustrated with me because of the things I cannot do, just imagine how frustrated I must be because I’m no longer able to do them. Ms. Perry tells us that it’s about understanding that we can’t carry things alone, and I know it's so important to love someone a little extra on a bad day and to find the support we all need.

Self-care Ritual: “Trust life, and it will teach you, in joy and sorrow, all you need to know.”
counsels James Baldwin. I just want to know the right thing to do but even this can change from day to day. Learn something new every day, try something new every day, never give up on yourself.

“Imani Perry is the Hughes-Rogers Professor of African American Studies at Princeton University. Her books include More Beautiful and More Terrible, Prophets of the Hood, Looking for Lorraine, and most recently, Breathe.”  On Being with Krista Tippett, Imani Perry More Beautiful, Last Updated, September 26, 2019

Banana Bread

One of the ways I show my love.

We love bananas but when they become too ripe, it’s time for banana bread. (Psst: I think that may be why we keep buying bananas!) This bread is a rich, dense, and moist quick bread that can be prepared in one bowl with one spoon. 

One greased 8-1/2” by 4-1/2” loaf pan and preheat oven to 350°

One large microwave-safe bowl

Ingredients:

¼ cup butter, melted and cooled

2 to 3 peeled ripe bananas, about one cup mashed 

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla

1-1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon each salt, baking soda, nutmeg, and cinnamon

½ cup each raisins, dried cranberries, and chopped walnuts

Directions:

1. In a microwave-safe bowl, melt ¼ cup butter and set aside to cool.
2. When the butter is cooled, stir in the peeled bananas and sugar and mash them until well blended. (a few banana lumps are okay) 
3. Add one egg and 1 teaspoon vanilla, stir very well.
4. Stir in 1-1/2 cups of all-purpose flour, and ½ teaspoon each salt, baking soda, nutmeg, and cinnamon, mix well.
5. Add ½ cup each raisins, dried cranberries, and chopped walnuts to the batter and mix.

Pour batter into greased loaf pan and bake for 1 hour and 10 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Remove the bread from the baking pan and cool on a wire rack.