EILEEN ADLER

Rowing a canoe with a banana. Life can feel like this sometimes. At the moment you are told of a diagnosis, the beginnings of coping with worried anticipation, there is a bend in your river of life when you hear the words; your canoe isn’t going anywhere you planned; a banana won’t work in this situation. You hunt for answers anywhere you can. You conduct searches online beginning with

“What . . .?

            What are descriptors for this diagnosis?

            What will happen?

            What is the cause?

            What are the treatments?

            What are our options?

But all you really want to ask is:

            What is the cure?

            Is there a cure?

Consuming yourselves with the what ifs detracts from today. There are no guarantees in life It’s what we choose today that makes its mark and makes the difference. Time shared is more important than any of these answers because time is fleeting, and you can never get it back. Giving of yourself is the best you can do.

According to Harvey Mackey, who offers an approach for those in business, I have crafted a similar approach for care partners:

• Out-sell by getting appointments with those people who can help you with your journey
• Out-manage by arming yourself with information – do your research 
• Out-motivate by using insights to help yourself and all the stakeholders with inspiration
• Out-negotiate by knowing when to "smile and say no,” and remember, everyone has an opinion and you must triage those that are best for you.
• Out-yourself by enjoying some self-care rituals.

Life Lesson: Think about how you spend your time and make every moment count. “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back,” wrote Harvey Mackay, the author of "Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.”