"Courageous care partners recharge with self-care, striving for peaceful pinnacles
in patience, persistence, and positive 
changes, knowing when to conquer and when to comfort."

May Day

May 01, 2020 by Eileen Adler

If you find yourself losing patience or recognize that someone you know is being treated unfairly, please secure help. Yes, there are days when you feel more sensitive.

Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811-1896) is best known for her novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin (1852) which portrays the harsh realities of enslaved people and the far-reaching effects of this system that blanketed this country in sorrow and sadness, but it simultaneously lit a fire to abolish slavery. Upon meeting President Abraham Lincoln in 1862, he quipped that she must be the woman who started the war! Clearly her dedication to “all men are created equal” changed the course of history. Why then, I ask, have women had to continuously fight for their rights?

I came across a Woman’s Day magazine dated February 1967; the price was fifteen cents. As I leafed through the issue, I stumbled upon this title: “What Men Say about Women: Provocative Quotes from Famous Men on the Ever-elusive Charms of Women” by Bill Adler, no relation to me. He states that men “do think about women and that they are almost unanimous in their bewilderment.” Mr. Adler explains that these opinions are by “some of the world’s most renowned and beloved men . . . the great range and depth of men’s thinking on the age-old enigma of women.” The article reflects the opinions of thirty-six men, most of the statements are so sexist and gender biased that I opted to include just a few. The article ends with Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the founder of psychoanalysis, “Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?”

W. C. Fields, (1880-1946), is probably best known as a comedian acting in theater and movies. When asked if he believed in clubs for women, he answered, “Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.” OMG – did he really say that? Appears that he did but this is not a laughing matter.

Domestic violence, abuse or family violence crosses all cultures, races, religions, ages, and is found all over the world. It used to be referred to as wife beating, wife abuse, and wife battering but due to the changes in relationships, it is now recognized that not everyone who is abused is a wife. Elder abuse or care receiver abuse can become domestic abuse; look for signs, ask questions, and offer help. If you find yourself losing patience or recognize that someone you know is being treated unfairly, please secure help.


How I wish Mr. Fields had the opportunity to meet with and learn from Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948): “Of all the evils for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex.” No, this gentleman’s opinion was not included.

John Lennon (1940-1980), yes that John Lennon, legendary for his lyrics, singing, peace activism, and being one of the original Beatles singing group was cited as saying: “Women should be obscene and not heard.” What was he thinking? BUT he never said this, Groucho Marx did! BUT he was not the original speaker either. This was first cited in the 1890s, spoken by Maurice Barrymore, the father of the famous theater family. But even the quote is misquoted!  It appears that the full account is “On that big stage anybody can be obscene and not heard,” captured in a dialogue with Wilton Lackaye, the actor who created the role of Svengali. The quote has morphed into something different and different people are credited with it. Remember, John Lennon wrote Imagine and three lines stand out: “Imagine all the people living for today, Imagine all the people living in peace, and Imagine all the people sharing all the world.” I think we know what he was thinking, and it wasn’t this quote.

This featured opinion is one of the few positive statements said by Lyndon Johnson (1908-1973), who became president in 1963 after the assassination of John Kennedy and continued on as our president until 1969: “I want to make an important policy statement. I am unabashedly in favor of women.”  He said this after appointing ten women to top government positions.

Most of the opinions were so demeaning and so very narrow-minded that I sat there bewildered reading this in 2019; I used to read that magazine. Maybe I should have asked myself, What was I thinking . . . or was I thinking? Ms. Magazine debuted in January 1972 co-founded by activists Gloria Steinem and Dorothy Pitman Hughes. The magazine featured articles regarding trends in business, politics, activism, feminism, sexuality, and journalism covering not only provocative topics but downright protective topics for women, these voices by women for women – it was so revolutionary and so inspiring. This was the magazine I selected at the checkout stand! Moving right along . . .

Life Lesson: Most care partners, sixty percent worldwide, are women. Practice self-care rituals, get enough sleep, get enough help, and take good care of yourself. If you find yourself losing patience or recognize that someone you know is being treated unfairly, please secure help.

P.S. “Women are the real architects of society” has also been attributed to Cher, the singer, songwriter, and actress